Seeking Solace in Others’ Suck-dom

Wanna know what really sucks?  I will tell you.  It really sucks when you have a blog with hundreds of followers (thanks for that!) and suddenly find yourself unable to write anything that anyone might be even remotely interested in reading.  Your head is awash in crap from all different directions but even you have limits in your sharing and now, on top of everything, the pressure to be insightful, witty and articulate eludes you.  That, my friends is what sucks.

Rest assured, there are plenty of other suckish things going on, all of which I unload on my wonderful therapist (she’s mine, you can’t have her!) each week, but many are nobody else’s beeswax.  That realization, for me – a sharer, is brutal since my inclination is to, well, share.

I have started several (as in six or seven) pieces and have abandoned each one mid sentence.  Those abandonments have arrived for some after having written several paragraphs, for others in the first sentence or two.  My mind wanders in a manner that is more akin to being suddenly stricken with short term dementia than day dreaming of Christian Grey.  I go off on tangents that make absolutely zero sense.  None.  I had written a whole blog entry about my induction onto the world of kale and how that somehow reflected Jessie’s transition when I realized that it did little other than make me sound like a lunatic.  There was another about the power of the word “no” (which I plan to revisit) which portrayed me as existing somewhere between two extremes: being a subservient wench and being a crunchy-granola-tree-hugging sixties leftover.  I like to think that I fall somewhere in the decidedly more normal middle.  Note to self: go back to that one someday.

As we speak, I am doing everything in my power to not curl up with this week’s issue of Us Magazine that just arrived at my house.  Teresa Guidice graces the cover (if you do not know who she is, we may have to rethink this relationship.  Okay, this once I will tell you – she is the crazy-assiest of all the Real Housewives franchise women which is saying a lot.  If you do not know who the Real Housewives are, well, we might have a bigger problem…) and all I want to do is dig more deeply into her latest drama.  The cover entices me with tales of her (moron) husband’s infidelities, illegalities and exploitation.  It goes on to scream of her having been humiliated by her (moron) husband although I would argue that she does a stellar job of humiliating herself without his help.  And, nearly equally compelling to learn more about: it seems that Reese Witherspoon’s father has a bit of a bigamy issue which needs to be dealt with.  All these horrible life challenges, even for celebrities – I feel better already!

There, I (sorta, kinda) said it…there is a certain comfort in knowing that other people have problems, too.  While mine are unlikely to wind up on the cover of Us Magazine (and I will never face the forehead challenges that Teresa does) they are kind of out there.  So today’s blog is nothing other than dribble with a side order of self pity for a tough week.  I hope you won’t hold it against me and will appreciate the suck-dom in which I am wallowing.  I intend (hope) to be back to normal soon.

Now you will have to excuse me while I go find out more about Teresa.  And did I mention that, and this may come as a shock, some of the Kardashians (I cannot tell them apart) are on the cover, too!  At least no one has thrown flour at me.  Yet.

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30 thoughts on “Seeking Solace in Others’ Suck-dom

    • My kale experience is still in relative infancy so I am unable to comment as to its benefits, which, I hope to hell, will be evident at some point!

  1. Smiling in empathy here. It helps us even when you’re down – like the rest of us. Take heart, today I at the college graduation of my much loved trans godson.

  2. Well, thanks for letting your reality show, Julie! Perhaps, if you had a houseful of cameras to record everything that goes on, and a host of editors to make it “real”, you’d have “The Real Mother of a Transgender Child” TV series that would rival those other shows. Of course, Jessie would have to be more of a “Snookie” type, but that’s only because we’d want it to appear as “real” as possible. 😉

    I’ve been trying to make the connection between kale and transition, but I keep gravitating toward asparagus, instead.

    • All those greens are starting to blend together if you ask me. I have a friend who told me that she has been sneaking broccoli into her smoothie. What has this world come to??

    • Never heard it before, but have googled this definition: enjoyment obtained from the troubles of others. That makes me sound awful and I know YOU aren’t awful. That said, nothing makes me laugh harder than people falling…

    • True story: I once came home from school and my mother was in the shower. I heard her talking and nervously inquired as to who she was talking to. Her response: “myself…that way no one will argue with me!”. Good idea, mom!

  3. Hi Julie. As a fellow blogger who has written about my own transition (as well as other things) the past two years: Who says readers might not be remotely interested? You have no way of knowing. And if they aren’t, why should it matter? You owe us, a group of mostly anonymous strangers, nothing; you owe yourself and your family everything.

    One lesson I’ve taken to heart, in my transition and in other facets of my life, is something a friend told me a few months ago: “What other people think about you is none of your business.” So, given that, I just what I write and live how I live and throw as much as I want at the wall and see what sticks. And sometimes the results surprise me, mostly for the better. And right now, I’m kind of talked-out about the gender thang (not healthy when you’re trying to write a book) and my underemployed status, so I’ve been writing more about my first love, music, of late. (Insert The Animals on the soundtrack here) It’s my blog and I’ll do what I want. And there’s no stopping you from doing the same.

    So … just write! Or don’t. Whatever you want to write, or not, is fine. If it’s valid to you — and, from reading, I certainly know it is — and if your feelings are valid, then it’s valid. You don’t need to worry about what we think.

    And when you post, I’ll be reading. And stay away from that “reality” stuff. If TV tells you it’s “reality,” it’s not. Be well.

    best,
    Fran Fried, Fresno, Ca.

    • Well said and greatly appreciated, Fran. I do have to say, however, that the only reality stuff I go for is the Housewives franchise. It is soooo bad that it is good. What a bunch of crazy ass biatches!

  4. Love all this veggie talk. I’ve been regularly using a stick of asparagus to mix my vanilla vodka and pineapple drinks. Healthy and the color combo is a happy one. Hope that’s not too much sharing.

    • Oh, shoot, asparagus is described as a spear, I just remembered -or is it a shoot? Well, my memory’s shot, for sure. And that brings me back to that vanilla vodka, which I think I’ll pour a shot of right now.

      See, Julie, it’s easy for anyone to go off on tangents. I try to make mine circular tangents, is all. 😉

  5. Hey, everyone is entitled to a break! When it just doesn’t happen for you (writing I mean) then you’re more than entitled to just… not. It’ll make us happier when you do want to share again!
    I have to add my agreement to those above, I would also love you writing about very everyday things. I think a lot of parents will probably find it very reassuring that there are everyday dramas and all those too mundane to mention things playing out just like in their own lives.
    But obviously only write when you actually feel like it. It’s not supposed to be like work or anything strenuous!
    I hope it’ll all suck a lot less soon, all the best!

  6. You know, Seinfeld is a fabulous comedy based on the meanderings of day to day life. And as Orson Scott Card says, you could write it a thousand ways, and a hundred ways would be right. Just write! 😀 We love delving into your musings with you. 😀

    Pink.

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