Some days are decidedly (and sometimes inexplicably) tougher than others. In my world, there is often a strong correlation between the success of the day and the success of the prior night’s sleep. Sometimes the weather, or even just the forecast, will place my emotions in an anticipatory spot: hot and sticky –> bad, cool and dry –> good. The mood(s) and side of the bed upon which any of the other three people with whom I live awaken can similarly effect how the day ahead will play out. But sometimes, no matter how well I might have slept, how good the weather may be or how content each of my housemates currently are, the day just isn’t easy.
There are times that a dramatic event of some sort will stack the deck against me. Other times the most minute comment, interaction or exchange can send me reeling. And other times, none of the above can be blamed. It is just that kind of day.
This morning, for example, I awoke after an unfitful nine hours of sleep (without, I might add, the aid of either a Valium or a glass of wine) and the rhythm of the house was as smooth as I would ever be bold enough to hope for on a school day. The weather report told me that the rain was heading out and that a bright, sunny, crisp Fall day lay ahead. Everything was leaning in my favor, yet I felt out of sorts from the moment I log-rolled out of bed. (Log-rolling, for the uninformed, is a manner of getting out of bed that “promises” – and I use the term loosely – to cause the least amount of pain for people like me with lousy, cranky, evil, angry backs. I learned the technique from a nurse at the hospital after the first of my three surgeries who, when I asked how long I would need to get up that way responded: “forever”. Ouch.) Physical pain aside, I had no other external factors to support a blah day ahead, yet it was evident from the time the alarm screeched in my ear that it was today’s destiny.
As the day progressed I lifted a bit from the fog, but still felt (um, feel?) the weight of the world resting squarely on my shoulders. Perhaps most annoying is that there is no apparent reason why today should feel any different from any other day. Anddddd, having been born with a particular psyche, I cannot help but wonder if the cosmos know something I don’t. Hate that.
In fact, and perhaps ironically, Jessie arrived home from school having completed her homework (thank you teachers who stay after hours for such activities), requested a (almost healthy) snack and then literally curled up with a book. (Anyone who has a dyslexic child knows that this scenario simply doesn’t happen. Ever.) Which begs the question: Who is she and what has she done with Jessie?!? This simply doesn’t add up – she left this morning on time and without bother, arrived home calm and self-entertaining and has remained so ever since. What may be a normal day for most is strikingly abnormal for me but instead of just going with it, I, of course (thank you neurotic self) wonder what it means. One could (and likely will) argue that I should be in a grand mood, just like she is. But, alas, I am not. What up with that?
All in all things are actually “okay” right now (she said as she throws salt over her shoulder, sidesteps cracks in the sidewalk, steers clear of black cats and avoid ladders at all costs) which makes my malaise all the more irritating. Perhaps it speaks to the calm between storms? Or maybe my delicious slumber of last night was to be the last for a while? Or, and this I would dread, the weather is going to turn hot and sticky in a freak October weather pattern and my gut somehow knows that, as if the general blahs weren’t enough, bad hair is looming. Or, maybe I am just having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad* day for no real reason at all. Just lucky, I guess.
*Actually, it wasn’t terrible, horrible, no good or very bad…just blah.