What I Want & What I Cannot

I want to write something profound, thoughtful and meaningful about the horrors of yesterday.  I want to somehow apply the experience I have had raising my transgender child to the events that unfolded in the one place children are always supposed to not only feel, but actually be safe.  I want to understand how it could have happened and, equally, if not more importantly, what we can do as a society to ensure it never happens again.  I cannot do any of those things.  I can only, along with the rest of the world, pray for the families that have been victimized, traumatized and forever changed.

I cannot fathom the agony that the families of both the victims and the assassin are being forced to endure.  I cannot imagine the devastation launched upon a community, a country.  And I cannot reconcile in my mind any rational reason that a living creature would be so distraught as to murder our most vulnerable.

As a blogger with a loyal band of followers, I felt a pull, a compulsion, a need to reach out to everyone.  Life is full of challenges, obstacles and unthinkable acts.  Hold on tight to the people in your life – the ones that bring you joy as well as the one who struggle and need your support.  No one can do this alone.

20 thoughts on “What I Want & What I Cannot

  1. Thank you, Julie. My younger son goes to the school where this happened. He, thankfully, got home safe to us, but it is a devastating loss for our entire community.

  2. I’ve just been crying so much for all those affected. I actually slept next to one of my kids last night (between yesterday’s horror and surgery she had this morning, I was very emotional). I’ve been hugging and kissing all 3 of my kids and I fear them leaving my sight, even for a second.
    I appreciate reading your words as I just keep searching for an answer as to why this happened. It’s just so devastating.

  3. I appreciate your words — they have been my thoughts. We live 20 minutes away from the mall where the shooting took place on Tuesday; my two older children are of the age where they go to malls and movie theatres on their own, and thus this hit much too close to home for me. I had been struggling with the first tragedy when yesterday’s act of horror took place, and words were not there, only tears.

  4. Julie, I only know you through reading your blog, but I love you for your writing. I am a teacher, and I think my mind is still numb from the incident. I can’t bear to refer to it more specifically than that.

    • I thank you for being a teacher. I am sure you don’t hear that enough. The stories that have come out of the sacrifices and selflessness of every one of those teachers did not surprise me – you are a wonderful group of people. My heart is broken over this.

  5. Pingback: Sometimes Bad Guys are real « My mom adventures in Fort Collins

  6. Julie- thank you for reminding me how imperfect life and all of it is and how much more patient I need to be with those who are very near and dear to me. I have been sporting an edge of anger and your words woke me up to a place of gratitude, and a reminder of how tough it can be for ALL people. thanks Julie, shelley goldberg

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