Control: v. to exercise restraint or direction over; dominate; command.
Who wouldn’t want that? Who doesn’t dream, fantasize and pray to the right G-ds to have it? And, who, more importantly, can claim to have it?
I had a discussion today with my therapist during which I cited the many areas in my life over which I felt I had either lost (or, more to the point, never had) control over. Some are obvious; see: transgender child in the house, while others are less so: what lays ahead for 2013 insofar as said transgender child is concerned (among other things). As therapists so artfully do, she gently turned things around and suggested that I take note of the many things that I do, in fact, have (at least a semblance of) control over. In what felt like a moment of desperation, she reminded me that my freedom of choice over what toothpaste I use (Colgate) is an example of one of the many things I (and you, too) take for granted as being within our control.
Her digging so low in the barrel as to be espousing the importance of having a choice in the dental care sector, did, I admit, hit me with a nanosecond of credibility-doubting and a sinking feeling of being utterly pathetic. But then, with my confidence in her abilities as a therapist firmly implanted, I started to really think about it. I live in the town that I want to, have (mostly) wonderful people in my life and can choose to go days on end without washing my hair if I so desire. I have domination over my reading list and television viewing. In fact, with “On Demand”, I can go so far as to control not only if, but when I watch my beloved Housewives which, in actuality, is another something over which I have control: an inane, escapist choice, but one over which I have complete and total control. For every silly novel I devour, I exercise the decision to read something that I am not ashamed to be seen carrying around. (Example: “Fifty Shades of Grey” followed by “May We Be Forgiven” or “Bossy Pants” with an “Is Everybody Hanging Out Without Me” chaser– oh, wait, those are both silly!) Bingo! My choice, my control! This is easier than I thought.
I have control over what I eat. The fact that I sometimes opt for the ice cream as opposed to the apple is, in reality, something I actually have control over. So, too is my wearing the slightly snug jeans versus the ones that are one size larger and infinitely more comfortable. Or sleeping-in instead of hitting the gym. And don’t forget paying cash or using a credit card. All in my control. (Note: control does not necessarily equal a good choice, rather, as noted above, it shows a “direction over”…which direction we choose is entirely up to us. Thus, control!)
I feel a little bit better now but when I first left her office I was quite sure that the only thing I would ever come up with over which I had control was the damned toothpaste and that, I will admit, depressed the shit out of me. I am happy to report that, while I still have scads of doings in my world over which I feel a complete control-void, there are actually many things over which I do, indeed have control. Not sure I can claim total domination (as is deemed necessary in the definition), but at least it is not quite as dire as I thought.
Stop and take a look at even the most miniscule tidbits over which you have control and maybe you, too, will feel a little better.