Decidedly Undecided

Transgender everything is everywhere and I am decidedly undecided about how I feel about it.

On the one hand, all the exposure, explanations and acceptance are spectacular. On the other hand, that’s a whole of exposure, explanations and (not so much) acceptance. Oh, the irony.


With this latest round of chatter (thank you, Caitlyn Jenner) I have found myself again asking why anyone gives a shit. I know that sounds trite and, perhaps ridiculous, but seriously…how does one person’s gender (or any other, for that matter) expression in any way impact me, you or the mailman? I get that it is (un)comfortably outside of the norm. I get that it is not what most of us grew up with. I even get that what feels natural and real to the transgender person and their families, feels extraordinarily unnatural and unreal to folks who are on the outside looking in. I. Get. It.

What I don’t get is how polarizing the whole subject matter is. Oh, I do, but I don’t. See: decidedly undecided.
I will acknowledge that the sheer volume of media attention is indeed making it virtually impossible, particularly for those folks who are uncomfortable and unable to latch onto the concept, to avoid it. Even in the three and a half years since our transition (to be clear: it is an entire family that needs to transition) the discussion has changed dramatically…and while I applaud the newfound understanding, I worry about it being too much all at once. And, boys and girls, that just gives me one more thing to worry about.

Yes, I have seen the Vanity Fair cover. Yes, I will buy the magazine and read the article. Yes, I believe this is a good thing in terms of paving over the gravel on the road that my kid is travelling. And yes, I think about it every single day. Repeatedly.
No, I don’t think that the people who are spewing hate, anger and vitriol are playing fair. No, I don’t understand why they, as I have already said, give a shit. And no, it isn’t easy to listen to.

The media is entirely schizophrenic on this subject and has caused tremendously good and fantastically horrid banter. This, in my mind, only breeds more anxiety on both sides. I love that transgender is part of the national discussion. I hate that it is, too. I just want my kid to be whomever she is…girl, boy, somewhere in between.

Yes, I am decidedly undecided.


Caitlyn Jenner. Vanity Fair.




Publicity Hound.


And those are among the less offensive comments I have seen.

I even found myself in a Facebook tussle with a friend of a friend who posted this:


I’m just so sick and tired of everything in the news now being about Trannies…..and how ‘nature made a mistake’.

I wish no ill-will at all on any of these poor people with this affliction either.I am sure life cannot be easy for them nor do I feel that they ‘chose’ this path.

But – don’t lecture me and tell me I have to buy into this gender confusion crap.

If the PC Police ever allow actual science to shine a light on this – it will prove it’s a mental health issue with a potential physical disposition, ie: a brain chemical deficiency which is impacting the gender confusion for example.

 Anyone can look great during a photo shoot with pro hair and makeup……

But, he still has a penis and a size 13 foot — good luck finding shoes at the clearance rack, Caitlyn!

I want to see him put on a box of Wheaties now in the bustier….



What I wanted to say:

I can only imagine the vitriol you might spew if you did wish ill will upon any of “these poor people” who, incidentally, do not appreciate being called Trannies, are not mentally ill and do not consider living an authentic life as “gender confusion crap.” I’ve never seen you, but your ugliness strongly suggests that even with professional hair and make up your innards would seep through. Further, if anyone is guilty of “lecturing” that would you be you. Your declaration, (which, to my knowledge, is unsubstantiated) that “actual science WILL prove” anything is a bold and uneducated one. Having a fear of something you do not understand but insist on spouting off about is unbecoming, bitch.


What I actually said:

Wow. And yuck. Your attitude actually scares me.


She is (and will remain) a total stranger, free to opine from the safety of her laptop and not face to face with another human intimate with the transgender process. Interestingly, she did not respond to my comment. Others did…and they weren’t on her side.

But…then I saw this, also on Facebook. The gigantic difference being, it was posted by a friend. Someone I know in real life. Someone I’ve talked about tough stuff with. Someone I thought was better than this:

Now that I’ve seen it, I can’t erase it from my eyes…. seeing Vanity Fair cover…. gross

I read it on my phone while waiting for an appointment and let out an audible gasp. With trepidation I responded:

Gross?! Wow.

That was several hours ago.  No response.  No private message tripping over herself in a (veiled) attempt to explain herself.  Yuk.


Listen, I am wise enough to know that this is complicated stuff. But apparently I am not wise enough to understand why on earth anyone gives enough of a shit about what is it in someone’s nether regions that they feel compelled to malign, criticize, ridicule and torment; often loudly and proudly. Yes, it is unusual. And no, it is not the path most people take, but: Gross? Crap? Brain chemical deficiency? (Maybe, just maybe, it is actually a brain superiority…an indicator of a more evolved human. Ever think of that?)

I wonder if any of these people ever stopped to think how they would feel if Caitlyn (or Jess, or Aiden, or Cameron or Liv or any other fantastically brave trans person) were their child or parent or sibling or friend. Would it be gross? Would they be a freak? Would it be crap?

Yeah, didn’t think so.

Oh, and by the way: you should all look as good as Caitlin does.  Rock on!