Caitlyn Jenner. Vanity Fair.




Publicity Hound.


And those are among the less offensive comments I have seen.

I even found myself in a Facebook tussle with a friend of a friend who posted this:


I’m just so sick and tired of everything in the news now being about Trannies…..and how ‘nature made a mistake’.

I wish no ill-will at all on any of these poor people with this affliction either.I am sure life cannot be easy for them nor do I feel that they ‘chose’ this path.

But – don’t lecture me and tell me I have to buy into this gender confusion crap.

If the PC Police ever allow actual science to shine a light on this – it will prove it’s a mental health issue with a potential physical disposition, ie: a brain chemical deficiency which is impacting the gender confusion for example.

 Anyone can look great during a photo shoot with pro hair and makeup……

But, he still has a penis and a size 13 foot — good luck finding shoes at the clearance rack, Caitlyn!

I want to see him put on a box of Wheaties now in the bustier….



What I wanted to say:

I can only imagine the vitriol you might spew if you did wish ill will upon any of “these poor people” who, incidentally, do not appreciate being called Trannies, are not mentally ill and do not consider living an authentic life as “gender confusion crap.” I’ve never seen you, but your ugliness strongly suggests that even with professional hair and make up your innards would seep through. Further, if anyone is guilty of “lecturing” that would you be you. Your declaration, (which, to my knowledge, is unsubstantiated) that “actual science WILL prove” anything is a bold and uneducated one. Having a fear of something you do not understand but insist on spouting off about is unbecoming, bitch.


What I actually said:

Wow. And yuck. Your attitude actually scares me.


She is (and will remain) a total stranger, free to opine from the safety of her laptop and not face to face with another human intimate with the transgender process. Interestingly, she did not respond to my comment. Others did…and they weren’t on her side.

But…then I saw this, also on Facebook. The gigantic difference being, it was posted by a friend. Someone I know in real life. Someone I’ve talked about tough stuff with. Someone I thought was better than this:

Now that I’ve seen it, I can’t erase it from my eyes…. seeing Vanity Fair cover…. gross

I read it on my phone while waiting for an appointment and let out an audible gasp. With trepidation I responded:

Gross?! Wow.

That was several hours ago.  No response.  No private message tripping over herself in a (veiled) attempt to explain herself.  Yuk.


Listen, I am wise enough to know that this is complicated stuff. But apparently I am not wise enough to understand why on earth anyone gives enough of a shit about what is it in someone’s nether regions that they feel compelled to malign, criticize, ridicule and torment; often loudly and proudly. Yes, it is unusual. And no, it is not the path most people take, but: Gross? Crap? Brain chemical deficiency? (Maybe, just maybe, it is actually a brain superiority…an indicator of a more evolved human. Ever think of that?)

I wonder if any of these people ever stopped to think how they would feel if Caitlyn (or Jess, or Aiden, or Cameron or Liv or any other fantastically brave trans person) were their child or parent or sibling or friend. Would it be gross? Would they be a freak? Would it be crap?

Yeah, didn’t think so.

Oh, and by the way: you should all look as good as Caitlin does.  Rock on!

23 thoughts on “Caitlyn

  1. Wow–you handled your comments quite calmly! I’m truly impressed!

    My first reaction to the Vanity Fair cover picture is that it’s about time! While I realize fashion magazine covers will always represent a narrow definition of beauty, at least now it’s a tiny bit broader.

    My second reaction is she doesn’t look her age. I felt disappointed that Caitlyn or Vanity Fair, or both, chose for her to look so much younger than she is. I’ve always thought beauty and age go together quite well.

    And then I realized she’s never had the opportunity to look both her age and gender. Something I’ve taken for granted my entire life.

    I hope Caitlyn sees herself as a beautiful woman as she ages. Because all women deserve this.

  2. Sadly there are plenty of homeless LGBTQ youth in the world to prove they would indeed think even their own children were “gross.”

  3. very sad statements. People are so ready to hate anything they don’t understand. Worse yet is the fact that they teach their children the same.

  4. I’ve been receiving updates from your blog for a few years now, but I think this is my first time commenting.

    I had an awful day at work yesterday hearing comments that I will never repeat. My coworkers know my stance on these types of issues and we’ve often argued on LGBTQA topics. Once in a rare instance I feel like I’ve been able to influence their opinion, but mostly I suspect they humor “politically correct Elaine.”

    So I don’t know why they seemed to think I’d feel differently about Caitlyn. It was like they saw her as so ludicrous that they thought even I would have to agree with their opinions. It’s the first time I’ve actually heard the word trannies used in the office. The laughter as they tried to show the cover to an unknowing male coworker and get his opinion on her. The misgendering and wrong name was the least of their offenses. One coworker seemed to think I’d laugh at a “tranny” joke being shared around facebook.

    It was so disheartening. I felt angry, sad, and guilty. Guilty because I’ve spoken against what my coworkers say more often lately but I said nothing yesterday. I may not have humored them by pretending to join in on the jokes but I didn’t speak against it either. I didn’t tell them that I thought Caitlyn is gorgeous. I didn’t correct them when they said he or Bruce. I told myself it was a battle I wouldn’t win but I know by not speaking up I’m part of the problem. I hope to find my voice next time. I want to do better for my friends who fall under the transgender umbrella.

  5. I wish I could show you all the comments I’ve seen from people. The support from the LGBT community has been incredible, and the support from the straight community has been pretty much the same. Even those people who are more conservative in their beliefs about other things — and they are pretty vocal about them — have been semi-supportive, or at least quiet on the subject. I wish I could tell you to ignore what other people write but I can’t, because I know it cuts deep into your heart, especially when it’s a “friend”. So I will say I’m sorry, and that you have much more support out here than you may know. Be well.

  6. Brave, strong, beautiful are words that come to my mind when I look at that magazine cover. It amazes me at the kinds of awful, hateful and ignorant things people spew on the internet. It’s similar to how badly people behave when they’re behind the wheel of their vehicle and think they’re insulated from their actions. Sad. Just sad.

  7. I had my answer ready, and I couldn’t wait until some jerk would compare me to Bruce (a jerk wouldn’t use Caitlyn, would they?). So, this morning I got what I wanted: “You’re like Bruce Jenner, then?” “Yeah,” I responded, “but I don’t like to talk about my gold medal.”

    The closed-minded haters of the world will always be out there, and their lack of human decency prevents them from keeping their mouths shut. Their insecurities (often sexual, I think) cause them to attack anyone not sharing their own “reality” of self. I call that “gross”, as in gross ignorance. I’ve been called gross before, but a thickening of my skin has allowed me to ignore such comments. Besides, it’s the net results that really matter; not the gross.

  8. Julie, This is the same ignorance and intolerance at the root of hatred towards Jews, LGBTQ, Christians in Syria, etc. The anonymity of social media and the Internet lets people spew hatred and propagate ignorance from the safety of their couch with no concern for the impact of their words or even with the risk of having their words be challenged.

    There is much talk about how civilization is increasingly at risk from Global Warming…..with not enough attention paid to intolerance and ignorance. It seems that Earth’s evolution will take generations to cause our ultimate demise whereas hatred and bigotry can wipe us out in just one.

    Perhaps it is your message, or the weather, or the preponderance of news articles about humans killing humans and humans killing animals and humans killing the planet, but I feel that until we recognize the value of LIFE, I find there is little hope.

    I pray that the tide will change….or maybe the Sun will shine tomorrow.

    Hugs to you and to Jess.

  9. Argh. Ignoramuses (ignorami?) I hope you take some solace in hearing/reading all the comments praising Bruce Jenner’s interview with Diane Sawyer and Caitlyn Jenner’s debut photo montage in Vanity Fair. On any other day, referring to Caitlyn Jenner as ‘courageous’ would smack of condescension to me, however, to be so willing to take her story public… to be a lightning rod for the ignorant and a beacon of hope for so many others simultaneously… to have the chutzpah to live her life on her own terms starting at age 65! I’m at a loss for any word but courageous. I wonder if those armchair psychiatrists, social commentators, judges, whatever they are, ever lived one hour as courageously as Caitlyn Jenner has her whole life or even in the past week?

  10. I have seen the hateful,ignorant comments as well…The only problem that I have is that Kaitlyn Jenner has the means to do anything she needs or get anything she wants..The average TS in transition will never be able to afford surgeries of any kind..But the media is pretending that they are showing off a “transition”…They are showing one…Many are jobless,homeless,and friendless and on the verge of harming themselves all due to lack of understanding and acceptance and the inclusion that should follow.Sad…I hate the haters…

    • I have reservations about this Hollywood version of transition too, Regina. To be honest, though, I’m also a bit envious. If I could only be “all the woman money can buy”, ya know. Still, without any of what Caitlyn has, from her money all the way through the medical procedures (even HRT!), I wouldn’t trade places with her. I haven’t had a meaningful job in years (it’s debatable that she has either) and I have but a few real friends. So, would I be any better of a “poster child” for transition than Caitlyn? I don’t think so. I would love to be an adviser for her upcoming show, however. While she’s still on such a high about all this, I think the positive will outweigh the negative, and the media seems to be showing the rosy side – even while the internet trolls are making nasty comments. If it’s but a fairy tale transition that we’re looking at, it may not be of a lot of help to those struggling, but I doubt it will do any real harm, either. No skin off my nose, anyway (Oh, that’s another thing Caitlyn had done to her face!).

  11. Julie, I feel I have to tell you what I really think about all this. (Julie Silver is now gasping for air, wondering where I’m going with this!)
    I now know 3 people who have transformed themselves – two girls who have transitioned to males and one boy transitioning to female (Jess). For all three of them, I can say that the admiration I have is for their parents. To decide to become another person, changing the way the world sees you is courageous. But to be able to trust in your parents, who gave birth to you and raised you as one gender and to know that these same parents will now accept your decision and continue to help you, fight for you, push you, and as always, love you in your new life shows the strong relationship you have built. I know gay men who had to wait for Mama to drop dead before they could come out. Lesbians who still can’t tell dad. You, my friend Eric and my cousin Gail, you are the strong ones. You are the ones who are brave enough to see what will make your children happy, what will make them whole, and fight tooth and nail to give them that.
    As for Caitlyn, it’s her life, not mine. It’s her happiness. This is America. She has every right to pursue her own happiness. Anyone who thinks otherwise has every right to leave.
    Kisses to you and the family.

  12. Oh, that are. But they need support and love and understanding. Even Bruce Jenner with all his money and fame and publicity, needed the support of his family to become the Catelyn she wanted to be. Your dear Jess COULD do it without you, but your acceptance and love makes her decision easier because you support her. She needs you to help her thru. This isn’t what you signed up for. This isn’t the road you thought was ahead of you when you had George. But you took it, you walk it every day because your Child is more important to you than your Son or your Daughter. Not everyone can do that. Not everyone does. Some parents can’t or won’t accept it. I’m really not patting you on the back. I’m in awe of your courage too. Don’t ever forget what an amazing mother you are
    Okay, enough accolades 😉

  13. I think she looks amazing. But personally my selfish size 12 foot that has NEVER found a shoe on a clearance rack in my 50 years on this planet hopes that suddenly a shoe maker sees fit to create pretty shoes in ACTUAL colors in ‘our sizes’. What do you say Caitlyn?

  14. My child is beautiful, inside and out. And, if I might add, way smarter than the folks making hateful comments. It’s his (and Jess’s) world that’s coming.

  15. Bravo, Julie! I agree with everything you said.
    How on earth could someone possibly be offended by someone else who is just trying to live their life? We should be happy for someone who has finally, after years of struggle, found their happy!

  16. Julie, just wanted to share a FB post that my amazingly beautiful and loving daughter Sera recently wrote:

    So a few of my trans friends have expressed some feelings regarding Caitlyn Jenner, and I feel compelled to join up with them. Please note that I want to say these things simply to note them, not because Caitlyn herself isn’t a fabulous and amazing person (she totally is.)
    Yes, I saw today’s Vanity Fair cover. Many people asked me about it, and I honestly have mixed feelings. I’m really, really stoked that so many people are talking about being transgender, and are offering their support to Cait. That’s important, but I feel as though it’s misplaced.
    All respect to Cait, Vanity Fair’s cover reeks of “dat photoshop.” Last time I saw her, she looked good, but not quite that good. And I bring this up not to beauty shame, but to remind everyone that the process simply -isn’t- that perfect. (Unless, of course, you’re Persephone Jade. Then you’re just gorgeous at all times of day, even if someone throws mud on you. That’s just an innate talent that she possesses. :D)
    My point here is that not all of us have access to Cait’s advantages. If you want an honest truth, many of you, my friends, may consider me “normal.” I don’t have huge advantages, but I don’t have huge disadvantages either. I’m a solid middle class. But, when you’re transgender, “solid middle class” AND possessing a family who loves and supports you AND being able to work in an extremely public facing position is 90% abnormal. I’m truly a rare bird of paradise.
    Many of my beloved sisters and brothers don’t have what I have. I’m stupid LUCKY. Cait is 747% LUCKY. I went through hardships and so did she, but our hardships are not nearly equal to what the average transgender person goes through. I’ve seen it first hand both from those who I met during group therapy and friends of mine. I’m constantly reminded of that to the point where I feel as though I cannot truly tell a story about the average transgender person because I am absolutely not the average transgender person.
    Every transgender person needs love and support. There’s no question about that. But Cait and I… we don’t need it as much as many others do.
    Please, if you have the chance, give the love to someone else. Tell them they’re beautiful and they’re loved. You may not truly realize the difference it could make.

    To steal a quote from my kid, we are “stupid lucky” to have these wonderful children in our lives. People who say otherwise are just stupid.

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