T Minus 3: The Yes, The But and The Yet

Here we are, T minus 3 (note: I had to change this from T minus 6…been that kind of week) until the wedding!  Wait, what??

I’ve received so many lovely and kind notes from friends near and far wishing us Mazel and telling me that Barry and my story “gives them hope” and ours is like a “fairy tale come to life”.  And, in countless ways they are right.  However…I have to keep things real.  It is not always easy.  It is not always fun.  And it is not always romantic.  What it is, though, is perfect for us. We have a rhythm that often moves at breakneck speed (anyone who has had the pleasure of meeting Barry in person will know what I mean…) and a brutal honesty between us. And we, like all couples, have a YES, and BUT and a YET for every occasion.

With the wedding just days away, I can tell you this:

YES: I am excited!  Who doesn’t love a party where there is dancing, good food, drink, company and, perhaps best of all, a staff of seasoned wedding planners at my disposal? BUT: Planning and throwing a wedding takes a lot of mental, physical and financial fortitude.* It can quickly become overwhelming and stressful and expensive and problematic. We have certainly had arguments, and I might have left the house, driven to the beach and had a few mini fits/breakdowns/freak outs once or twice.  Okay, it was three times.  YET: At the end of every day, we kiss, say, “I love you” and mean it.

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YES: I am blessed. I adore my almost husband, I love all four of our kids, my new house and my new community.  I cherish being able to see and feel the ocean every day and have the summer off to establish my new life. BUT: There are times, particularly in the past few weeks, that I have wanted to slug Barry in the face, leave each and every one of the kids by the side of the road in the middle of nowhere, systematically (and by systematically, I mean secretly) remove works of “art” which are, shall we say, not my style and taken personally the fact that it is humid and sticky and hard to breathe. YET: At the end of every day, we kiss and say, “I love you”.

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YES: Our blended family is blending well.  BUT: We have four kids who all saw their parents’ marriages dissolve, had to move from their childhood houses and now travel back and forth between their now divorced parents’ homes.  Harrison, at 21 and a rising college senior has a beautiful apartment at school, but doesn’t have any other place where he can go that has a dresser with his t-shirts and underwear, or the posters he grew up with on the walls, or even a familiar neighborhood.  It’s been hard on him.  It’s been hard of all of us.  It’s a tremendous adjustment that we’ve all had to make.  But most of all, it’s a process and processes can be long, arduous and sometimes painful.  YET: At the end of every day, we kiss, say, “I love you” and mean it.

YES: The second time around is exciting and joyful and energizing. Step-parenting two young kids is easier than with my own because I am older, wiser and have, through 21 years of parenting, picked up a thing or two about how their little minds work.  BUT: Getting married again is overwhelming and scary and a lot less romantic than the first time around.  Along with the joy and excitement comes the business side of marriage: life insurance, wills, estate plans, finances and other sexy stuff that is a necessary evil in the second marriage process.  And my vast knowledge of children and their trickery? Yeah, that’s fantastically effective about 60% of the time.  YET: At the end of every day, we kiss, say, “I love you” and mean it.

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T minus 3 and I really believe (most of the time) (except when I am caught up in the BUT) (which always passes) that the only thing that really matters is the YET.

*Our original plan was to have just our family up at the lighthouse in town and then back to the house for a barbeque.  Yeah, that didn’t happen.