I am not sure what is more remarkable: what I did or what happened once I’d done it.
I’d been thinking (and talking) about it for years. Like years and years.
I’d never been able to get “permission” from anyone to do it. Oh, I had asked and been denied. And then I was too afraid to ask, mostly because I already knew what the answer was going to be. Again, not sure what is more remarkable: the fact that I asked, the fact that I was told “no” or the fact that I accepted that as, well, an acceptable response. Yet I did. Argh.
Wednesday morning, I did not think, not even for a brief, joyful moment, that I would pull the trigger and, well, do it. I had strict self-imposed parameters under which I would do it. Said parameters were so strict, in fact, that I was fairly certain than it would beto an impossible feat to pull off. “So,” I said to myself, “what harm is there in looking?”
With Jess there to encourage and support me (thanks, Jess), I asked all the questions I had heard asked over the years, was careful to play the game the way I’d seen it played inumerable times and was fully prepared – hoping, even – to walk away from it all and go back to being the practical, respectful, obedient and, if we are being honest, fearful person I’ve always been.
And then this happened:
What the what?!?!
With “I Am Woman Hear Me Roar” screaming in my head, off I drove in my brand new teeny-weeny convertible.
In. A. Panic.
What had I done? Bye-bye practical, full-sized Passat. Hello… MINI?!
As Jess and I drove home with, duh, the roof down (black scary clouds be damned) Barry called. I told him I was almost home…with a surprise. Okay, let this sink in. Not only had I just bought a little teeny-weeny convertible, but I had done so without consulting him and OMG I had just bought a little teeny-weeny convertible! He greeted me with a smile. And then pelted me with every (fair and reasonable) question one would expect:
Mileage? only 6,000!!!!
Warranty? 4 more years, unlimited mileage, everything…including electrical!
Front Wheel Drive? Yeppers
And so it went. It was official: I had slayed it. All on my own I got a killer deal on a crazy fun car. Sure, the backseat is, um, snug, but a.)Jess, who is taller than me, fits easily, b.) I don’t often have more than two passengers and, c.)I’m never going to have to sit back there! Score!
And then a funny-only-it-wasn’t-funny thing happened. There I was, on the floor of my bathroom, knees to chest, tears pouring out of my face with such fervency that my t-shirt was getting wet, rocking back and forth like a person losing their mind. I was freaking out. What had I just done?!?
I texted my brother, hoping he could talk me off the ledge. He did his best.
I texted Harrison, hoping he would confirm that I got a great deal on an awesome car. He did his best.
Eventually, I peeled myself off the floor, got undressed and stood in the shower for a good 20 minutes. Just stood there. No soap. No shampoo. Just stood there, convinced that this, my first solo stem-to-stern car purchase experience would prove to be an unmitigated disaster; a sure case of getting caught up in a moment. Argh.
I crawled into bed and, thankfully fell quickly to sleep.
The next morning I woke up, still beating myself up. And then a funny-but-actually-funny thing happened. I went to the garage, got into my new car and felt pretty darn good. Hmmm…maybe this wasn’t such a bad idea after all.
I went about my day, roof down (when it wasn’t pouring, that is), music loud, and my already & always messy hair flying around. Yeah, it is definitely small and, yeah, I am going to have to get used to actually using my side mirrors more than I ever have before (strange things happen when there are no backseat windows) and, yeah, that’s a darn narrow backseat, but…
On three occasions I happened to drive by someone I know. And on three occasions they all said the same thing: “That car is so you!”
I am still a little bit panicked. I still wonder if I was impulsive (if getting something you’ve been wanting and talking about for years can be considered impulsive…). But man, is it fun to drive! Just ask Jess, Max, Noah and my dear friend Julie with whom I drove to get ice cream last night.
p.s. I am not sure what has come over me, but this happened today, too. True, my nails are never without polish, but they are also are never anything other than pale pink or white. Ever. Stay tuned for whatever else I might just have up my sleeve…