I’ve spent the better part of the past three days crying.
What has our world become that a woman can survive the Holocaust only to be shot dead, shot dead, while praying?
I am not a religious person, but with all the crazy in the world, I was actually in synagogue on Saturday morning seeking, and, for a time finding, quiet, calm, solace and community. Then, in a moment of horrific irony, during the Misheberach – the prayer for people who need healing – someone, smartphone in hand, shared the news.
I have felt vaguely sick ever since.
I’ve gotten angry. Angrier than I ever do. I’ve screamed at people I love, mostly because I love them. And I am terrified.
My heart, my soul and my physical body are heavy, achy and spent. And, though I haven’t laughed in days, I’ve continued about my life, feeling both grateful and horrified at the sight of the “enhanced police presence” which, we are told, is being implemented out of an “abundance of caution.” But we all know that it is no longer possible to be too cautious…
My patience is short.
I have a dull, throbbing and relentless ache in my chest. I wonder, sometimes, if I am having a heart attack, but know it is more likely that this is what a broken heart feels like.
I am baking. And shopping. And talking to strangers even more than usual. I crave touch and warmth and comfort…wondering not if, but when, the next unimaginable thing will happen. And we know it will.
Now, more than ever, let’s all remember to be kind. Most of us are hurting, afraid, anxious, angry and lonely. We need one another. We need kindness. We need to supportive and loving. Life is precious. Protect it. Protect one another.