Stars. Needles. Poop. Plates. Wishes.

Aside from (very) occasionally checking my horoscope, I am not big into astrology.  That being said, however, I do kinda believe in it and its impact on us mortals.  Sure, sometimes the predictions – is that what one would call them? – are so vague and universal that anyone, at any time, could mold them into truth, but…

One thing I am big into these days is acupuncture.  Here’s a little back story:

A few years ago I received a Facebook message from a stranger – I will call her Stephanie (mostly because that is her name) asking me if an item I had put up for sale was still available.  I had advertised said item months earlier and, frankly, had forgotten about it.  Forgotten it so hard that I could not even remember if I still had it.  A visit to my basement showed that I did, indeed, still have said item. I messaged Stepanie back, I told her I had it, she told me she wanted it, we made a plan for her to come to collect it.

This will come as no surprise to anyone, but when she arrived we got to chatting.  She told me she wanted what I was selling to use in her office.  I, duh, asked her what she does. I bet you know where this is going: she is an acupuncturist.  Oooooh!  I had tried – and enjoyed results from – acupuncture when I was in college and had a stomach situation that was, let’s just say, unpleasant.  Now, I have other issues, some more unpleasant than others, and, hmmm… perhaps acupuncture might just help.  And yep, I was right.

Stephanie and I have shared a patient/practitioner/friendship/adoration ever since.

Stephanie and her teeny tiny needles are gifts from above.  She’s fixed my aches and pains, cured my colds (aside: I will be so happy when Covid rules allow for her to treat people who are sick with colds again…truly amazing) and, way more important: helped immensely to soothe my soul.  

The past several months have been chock full of all sorts of crap for me and people I love: physical crap, mental health crap, emotional crap, financial crap, social crap…lots of crap.  I know that my family and I are not special – this is the age of Covid craziness after all – but we are decidedly exhausted.  And then, Stephanie works her magic and – in every conceivable way – I am shedding the crap. 🙂

So what does this have to do with astrology?  Consider this a PSA: Astrologically, December 2021 is riddled with conflict. Because Of. Course. It. Is.  Why on earth would anyone expect anything else??  In fact,  I Googled “astrological conflict, December 2021’ and was met with words like intense, unpredictable, out with a bang, intense karmic cycle, volatile, dramatic AF, (I am not making any of this up!), frustrating, tense, challenging, and, perhaps my favorite, epic.  

Interestingly enough, this non-follower of astrology cannot help but believe that there is, indeed at least a modicum of reality behind this.  In the past week alone, here’s what has befallen people I care about:

  • One breast cancer diagnosis and surgery – today, as we speak
  • One parent with a new pancreatic cancer diagnosis
  • Ten, yes, TEN positive Covid tests.  So, yeah, that means, 10 people (all vaccinated, for what it is worth) who I know and care about with Covid
  • One Lupus diagnosis, but not before being septic and sicker than a dog for the past couple of months
  • Children (so many children)(too many children) in hospitals, residential treatment programs, and therapeutic school.
  • One foot tumor (that one is mine…who gets a tumor in their foot!?!?)
  • One mysterious lump (that’s mine, too)
  • The passing of yet another of “my” lung cancer patients who have shared their stories with me and the world  
  • I could go on, only I just cannot

So here’s the thing, people: everyone has a lot on their plate. And, here’s the dirty little truth: those plates, even the biggest and most beautiful ones, are not only full but pretty damn close to cracking or, worse, breaking.  And, not for nothing, there is such a thing as a plate that is just not big enough. AmIright?

As I see it,  the only logical explanation is the stars.  It’s the stars that are to blame for it, all of it.  It’s the stars that are dictating the whole hot mess.  And, frankly, those stars are really pissing people off in the process.  What the actual hell?

So what does acupuncture have to do with astrology?  Well, I can tell you with 100% certainty that, if not for my wise and wonderful practitioner I can assure you that my plate would be in splinters on the floor serving no purpose other than creating a mess which, of course, I would have to clean up.  Pretty much the only thing I hate more than living through the carnage is the mess it leaves behind. Like seriously.

Yes, my plate (and yours and yours and yours) is full.  It is the fault of the stars. They are to blame.  So do what you can to rid yourself of the burdens: take a walk, go shopping, drink delicious coffee, have ice cream for dinner, meditate (yeah, I cannot slow my brain down enough to do it, either), primal scream from the safety of your car, watch “Schitt’s Creek” on a loop, stay in sweatpants all day…whatever it takes.  Because the stars have made up their mind and there’s not a lot we can do to stop ‘em.

Wishing you: Luck with the shitstorm that December is projected to be, the pleasure of doing something naughty (watch-a-movie-in-the-middle-of-the-day naughty, that is), a plate that is large enough and strong enough to accommodate your every need, and the cajones to tell the stars to bug off.

May you and yours enjoy a happy, healthy, prosperous, non-Covid, kind stars, joyful, and uneventful holiday season.  

Here’s to a new year that is easier and more fun than the last two.  Geez.


P.S. I am anticipating a slew of texts and emails asking about my magical Stephanie.  Here’s the scoop: Although I would love nothing more than to share her, she is so busy that she had to stop taking new patients. I already begged her to take two, okay three, and she lovingly did so.  Don’t want to push my luck.  That said, let me know if you are interested and I will have her tell me when she has more space…or can recommend someone else in her practice.  ❤

2 thoughts on “Stars. Needles. Poop. Plates. Wishes.

  1. What could have been a real downer of a post has become a positive and uplifting article on moving forward, taking charge of your life, and staying strong by taking care of yourself first. Hang in there, Wonder Woman!

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